POST RESURRECTION, Day 8

Today, for the very first time ever, I wrote my blog - and when I tried to post it, it disappeared. Every word of it....

What is on my mind is 'walking by feeling.'

On the cross, Jesus cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" That was what He felt - and it was legitimate. The thing is, Jesus, the man, had always known God's presence, because He was conceived to be not merely fully man, but fully God. So - from conception to that moment on the cross, He was poignantly aware of His identity of God, with God, and for the human aspect of Him, in God.

But - when all of our sin was piled on Him, it was repugnant to the pure holiness of God, and Jesus could no longer 'feel' Him. God truly did not abandon Him or the story would have ended very differently. We know He wasn't abandoned because of Resurrection!

Jesus came back to life on Sunday morning. That evening (which technically began the Jewish Monday, since the day is always the 'evening and the morning' just as written in Genesis) Jesus appeared to His disciples behind a locked door. That was the first time they saw Him. The women who saw Jesus had told them - but they didn't believe them.

When Jesus appeared that first time, Thomas was not with the other disciples. When they told him Jesus had appeared to them, he demanded proof. Show me! And one week later - Jesus appeared again, inviting Thomas to put his fingers into his side, and touch his nail-scarred hands.

I'm so very, very grateful for Thomas. He is a credible witness to the reality of Jesus' resurrection. It's true. The Lord of Glory came to earth, took on the form of flesh, bore our sins on the cross, and He is alive!

Jesus - as a man - felt rejected and alone. It was a sad reality of the process of working out God's plan.

Thomas, as a disciple felt abandoned and alone. He had to have proof.

In our journey through life we experience times of such deep pain that we feel abandoned as well. But we aren't! We have God's Word. We have the Holy Spirit. We don't always 'feel' Him with us - but He is there. Jesus promised to rise again. He did. He promised a Comforter. He came (but in Lenten journey time - not yet....).

About 12 or 13 years ago, God spoke to me and said, "You're not going to feel my presence with you for a while. I want you to learn to walk by faith, not by feeling." I had a very strong sense that this was a preparation for a time when I would need that confidence of walking by faith alone. I had grown very accustomed to God's precious presence, and didn't like it at all that I couldn't feel Him with me - but I walked faithfully, anyway, knowing He had forewarned me.

A few weeks later I was out for a walk - and as I approached my church in Montesano, God spoke to me and said, "Go check the door."

"Excuse me," I replied, "You haven't talked to me for 3 weeks, and now when you do, you're telling me to go check the door?"

"Yes," came the clear reply. "Go check the door."

So I did.

The door to the main sanctuary was unlocked. It was never unlocked. It was the door I was drawn to - the first one I checked. It was not safe for it to be unlocked. I locked it and walked on, absolutely assured that when God needed to get through to me, He could. I also learned that faithfulness is not a quality based on response to feeling. It is absolutely awesome to feel God's presence, but feeling is not the barometer for ascertaining His presence.

At our Old Time Singspiration recently, there were only a few of us there, but God was there, and His presence was so sweet and tender that none of us wanted to leave. I love those times. Often when I pray I feel His presence, and often in church I feel His presence, and often as I walk my daily walk I feel His presence. But not all the time. And - when things get really tough and I feel I am alone, I know I'm not. He proved that to me.

As for the tough time that was to follow not long after God's lesson of walking by faith, the first segment of needing to hold on just by faith came in August, 2000. It had been a terrible time, anyway - and on top of everything else, I had to have an oophorectomy. We were just in the process of moving so I didn't have a new church family for support - and the journey I walked was horrendous. I couldn't feel God and I needed Him desperately. When He taught me the lesson about walking by faith, I was healthy and strong, and it was just losing 'feeling' God that taught me the first phase of what the lesson would entail. The year following the oophorectomy was phase 2, and it made the learning the lesson time pale in comparison - but the point is, I learned the lesson.

That original lesson still lives with me. He does not abandon His own. We cannot walk by feelings. We can't even trust feelings. In studying the Revelation of John for our UNDERSTANDING OUR TIMES class, I recognize this is a lesson we need to take to heart. I must walk by faith. I have absolute assurance He is with me - and even when I feel abandoned, I'm not. He is there, feeling the pain and pressure with me.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation, purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story....