ACKNOWLEDGING APRIL 3, 1953

 

A Good Day to Die

by Lola Rice Cain

 

It was a good day to die

Spring had just brought new life:

Trees were leafing out

Birds were singing

The grass was green

And hope for new beginnings was alive

But not for her

 

It was a good day to die

Life for her had lost meaning

She was unable to see her purpose

She gave up on life prematurely

And in choosing death she gave up on herself

And on my siblings and me

She chose that day as her goodbye

 

It was a good day to die

A day that poured pain into many lives

A day that left sorrow in its wake

A day that would never be forgotten

A day that ended her personal losses

And became the start of ours

A self-absorbed day that is cemented in memory

 

But for her it was apparently a good day to die

And the fallout of her choice?

We’ve become more resilient

We are more tolerant and stronger

Than we would have been

Had we never endured that pain

Still, for us, it was not a good day for her to die

 

 

Written October 31, 2021 in memory of Nellie Nina Scott Rice, mother to Duane, Ken, Lola, and Gary, who committed suicide April 3, 1953, at the age of 37.  Forever missed.  Forever in our hearts.  Forever loved.

 

 

GRIEF

Lola Rice Cain

 

Grief is love poured out as the final act of care

It washes over me in unwelcome waves of sorrow

Subsides momentarily, then blindsides me again and again,

Mercilessly hammering at my consciousness

And intruding into my attempts at slumber.

 

Grief is love in its final earthly form

A painful reenactment of all that came before

It oozes through my every pore

And is the assailant at my heart’s door

It refuses to disappear, but is slowly being subdued.

 

Grief is love unleashed in ways I could never have conceived

And I must allow it its time as there is a time to grieve

Even so, as it flows in and out of my awareness

I find respite in memories that make their way

Through the fog of the pain – and I will live to love. 

 

(Written November 28, 2021) 

Usually my remembrance day of my bio mother's death is limited to April 3. I do not recall what was happening in 2021 that made it pour over, but the October 31 poem makes me think that the November 28 poem was likely connected, but most likely connected to another death that triggered the memory.