ACKNOWLEDGING APRIL 3, 1953

 

A Good Day to Die

by Lola Rice Cain

 

It was a good day to die

Spring had just brought new life:

Trees were leafing out

Birds were singing

The grass was green

And hope for new beginnings was alive

But not for her

 

It was a good day to die

Life for her had lost meaning

She was unable to see her purpose

She gave up on life prematurely

And in choosing death she gave up on herself

And on my siblings and me

She chose that day as her goodbye

 

It was a good day to die

A day that poured pain into many lives

A day that left sorrow in its wake

A day that would never be forgotten

A day that ended her personal losses

And became the start of ours

A self-absorbed day that is cemented in memory

 

But for her it was apparently a good day to die

And the fallout of her choice?

We’ve become more resilient

We are more tolerant and stronger

Than we would have been

Had we never endured that pain

Still, for us, it was not a good day for her to die

 

 

Written October 31, 2021 in memory of Nellie Nina Scott Rice, mother to Duane, Ken, Lola, and Gary, who committed suicide April 3, 1953, at the age of 37.  Forever missed.  Forever in our hearts.  Forever loved.

 

 

GRIEF

Lola Rice Cain

 

Grief is love poured out as the final act of care

It washes over me in unwelcome waves of sorrow

Subsides momentarily, then blindsides me again and again,

Mercilessly hammering at my consciousness

And intruding into my attempts at slumber.

 

Grief is love in its final earthly form

A painful reenactment of all that came before

It oozes through my every pore

And is the assailant at my heart’s door

It refuses to disappear, but is slowly being subdued.

 

Grief is love unleashed in ways I could never have conceived

And I must allow it its time as there is a time to grieve

Even so, as it flows in and out of my awareness

I find respite in memories that make their way

Through the fog of the pain – and I will live to love. 

 

(Written November 28, 2021) 

Usually my remembrance day of my bio mother's death is limited to April 3. I do not recall what was happening in 2021 that made it pour over, but the October 31 poem makes me think that the November 28 poem was likely connected, but most likely connected to another death that triggered the memory.

THURSDAY, DAY 26 OF LENT 2025

 John 14:12-14 (CSB) states, 

¹² “Truly I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do. And he will do even greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ Whatever you ask in my name, I will do it so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

This is, quite honestly, a passage I trip over. I absolutely do believe that Christ's followers can and do make a huge difference in the world, and that God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, gives many amazing gifts to believers, which are being used for God's glory. 

I also believe that the word translated 'greater' might mislead us - that 'more' might be a better word, with my rationale being that since Jesus returned to the Father, he sent the Holy Spirit, who can be everywhere at once, using many people simultaneously to do God's work on earth. It could also apply to the reality that we have many more years collectively and that God's miraculous works performed in the world through the power of the Holy Spirit - using humans as vessels through whom many of those miracles are made evident - would be 'more.' That would make sense to me.   

In past consideration of this passage, I have wondered if the ''whatever you ask in my name" was conditional on it being something God wanted to do, and allowed a human vessel to participate in so that person could feel used by God. 

I know God performs amazing miracles - but certainly not every time it is believed for and prayed for, so the 'whatever' throws me. Just being transparent! 

It is also worth noting since I am grappling with this again today, that verse 14 is not included in many of the manuscripts, which means it was likely added by a Scribe somewhere along the way who just wanted to reinforce the prior sentence. It doesn't change what was stated - but it is interesting to pay attention to those tidbits in our studying.

I will end with a story:

Years ago, in Montesano, when I attended the Montesano Presbyterian Church, the Lord gave me a very deep burden for a man in our church. He had just had a heart attack and I prayed diligently for him that he would be healed. A few days later the burden lifted, and I thanked God, believing that the burden lifting meant that the man was healed and would be okay. 

I was shocked to learn that at the time the burden lifted the man died. I was furious with God! I asked him, "Why did you take away the burden if he was not healed?" And God replied, "Death in this life is perfect healing."

He was right. The man was healed - just not the way I expected. Not the way I was praying for. When I feel a burden for someone I remember that lesson. I even told a friend not long ago, "I may not be the one you want praying for you, given my track record!" 

This passage leads me to a bit of a bunny trail and brings me to the bottom line of my faith. Do I trust God even when I don't understand? Yes! Do I believe he is with me through everything? Yes! Do I trust his timing? Even though I don't always appreciate it or understand it, yes! My times are in his hands. So are yours if you've placed your trust in him. We live under his care, and though we don't know the expiration date that is 'invisibly stamped on the bottom of our foot' (as I say), we can trust that God knows, and that we will not leave this earth one day sooner - and when we do have the joy of leaving we will wonder why we wanted so badly to stay!

Back on topic: I believe in God. I believe in miracles. I believe he guides, directs, and nudges us to do his will. I believe if he wants to do a miracle and chooses a human vessel to pray for it, he is the one doing the work, through the power of the Holy Spirit, and God is the one who receives the honor and glory. 

Thank you, Lord, for being a very present God in the lives of those who trust in you!

WEDNESDAY, DAY 25 OF LENT 2025

John 14:1-11 Christian Standard Bible. (My go to is usually the ESV.)

The words leap off the page as I read them, "Don't let your heart be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me." And then Jesus tells them he is going away to prepare a place for them, and that he will return to get them so they can be where he is - and he says, "You know the way to where I am going."

Thomas challenges that, saying, "We don't know where you are going. How can we know the way?"

Jesus reply to Thomas was, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." And then he proclaims, "If you know me, you will also know my Father. From now on you do know him and have seen him."

Next Philip speaks up, "Lord, show us the Father, and that's enough for us."

And Jesus replies, "Have I been among you all this time and you do not know me, Philip? The one who has seen me has seen the Father...." 

 

Jesus was fully God and fully human. He was the only person of the Trinity who had a physical body, and as such was the only visible appearance of God. Jesus was there at creation in his pre-incarnate state as part of the Triune Godhead, and he became God incarnate when he was born to the virgin, Mary. He lived a perfect life for 33 years, and now he is trying to prepare his disciples for his exit. He is sharing final urgent messages as part of that exit strategy. Exit words of significant importance.  

He clearly tells them that in seeing him they have seen God, which means he is God, but also that he is the only way to God. He talks about his Father, and that they are inseparably joined when he declares, "I am in the Father and the Father is in me." (verses 10 & 11)

Lord, open people's eyes to see you! We need you now, in this crazy world that is plummeting into the abyss. Lord, give us ears to hear, wisdom to understand, and the determination to follow you closely through these troubled times. You alone are TRUTH. You alone are THE WAY. You alone offer us ETERNAL LIFE. Lord, incline hearts to YOU! Amen.

 

 

TUESDAY, DAY 24 OF LENT 2025 (Also April Fools' Day this year)

We begin with John 13:21 today, but in my reading I cannot help that notice a sub-theme: Jesus knew! Jesus knew (13:1) his hour had come. Jesus knew (13:18-27) that Judas was going to betray him. Jesus knew (13:38) that Peter would deny him.

He also knew that Judas, who was obsessed with money, would be paid 30 pieces of silver and then take his own life. And, in stark contrast, that Peter would come back to absolute faith and belief in his Savior, and dedicate his life to serving the Lord, and ultimately die a cruel death. 

Jesus knows. He knows the challenges we will face - and that in facing challenges we can actually become stronger than we ever thought possible. We have a choice. When we falter or fail, we can either give up permanently, or we can run back to Jesus' loving arms, ask and receive his forgiveness, and become encouragers to others who are struggling. 

In John 13:34 Jesus gives his disciples - and by extension, us - a new command:

"...Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

I am aware that there are multiple words that were translated "love" and I was curious to know which one this is. In the process I found yet another word! And I learned that even my basic understanding of various words that are translated as "love" are based on Greek, not Hebrew. 

I love to learn new things! Because the word in Hebrew is written in figures instead of using a familiar-looking alphabet, the word will be written in English differently depending on who the interpreter is, but on Bible Hub, the spelling used is 'agapate', translated "you should love." This type of love is a moral mandate to care for each other. It is action, not emotion. It is putting others needs on the same level as our own, looking out for others' interests, not just our own. Seeing a need, filling that need. 

Needs are not merely financial, though too  often we equate need with financial struggle, but someone can be wealthy and have emotional, physical, or spiritual needs, and 'need' to have others come alongside. Being sensitive to when that is the case is an alert provided by the Holy Spirit. Love one another! It doesn't sound optional, does it? 

Jesus needed that love from Peter, but in Jesus' deepest pain, Peter denied and deserted him. Thank God that is not the end of Peter's story - and thank God, that when I have failed miserably, it was not the end of my story either. Thank you, Lord, for your amazing grace!