April 3, 1953 my mother put a gun to her head and killed herself. I was 7 1/2 years old. That event brought suicide into my life in a personal, devastating way. She was the youngest of 6 siblings, and her sister just older than she committed suicide next. Then a few years later, another sister committed suicide, and in her older years, because of illness and not wanting to be a burden to her family, the only remaining sister also took her own life. It all began with my mother. Having someone in their family take that way out placed that option in their thoughts as an alternative in a way that doesn't happen for most others who may peripherally think about it. It was a very real option instead of a passing thought. The only siblings who didn't commit suicide were the aunt I was named after: Lola, who died from injuries sustained in a car wreck while my mother was pregnant with me; and the only boy in the family, who died naturally in old age.
My mother, Nellie, was on my mind from the moment I awoke this morning. I read John 17, then wrote the first few sentences of my blog, saved it and went to do other things. It is Spring Break, so we took 5 of our grandkids to lunch at Arby's, then to play at Charlie's Safari, then to Journey 2:. Afterward we went back to Charlie's for another hour of fun; then our daughter from Puyallup, and her 3 girls, headed north while we headed home with the 2 grandsons who live near us. It was a day to make memories...and to remember.
I remember that day - April 3, 1953 - very well.... It is indelibly imprinted in my mind.... And every April 3, I remember, but not as poignantly as this year. For some reason, this year I am far more aware of the event and its effects on everyone whose lives were touched....
In correlation with reading John 17, it reminds me that John remembered the events of that time very well, as well.... And this chapter is extremely special, for it is Jesus' prayer for His followers. He is not praying for the world, even though He came to save everyone in the world who would accept Him. This prayer is for those who were already His....those He promised not to leave as orphans. And, then, at the end of the prayer, He prays for all who would come to belief - as a response initiated by the message His disciples would carry to the world! It has never before occurred to me that my salvation is a result traceable to one of the disciples of Jesus who sat in the Upper Room with Him that night - but it is so.... They were the ones with the message. They shared the Truth of the Gospel with others, who shared with others, and the ripples came down from +-33 A D to 1954 A D to a little 8-year-old girl in a simple small town white church in Wilder, Idaho.... A child who believed when the preacher said, "Jesus loves you." That little girl needed desperately to hear the words of love echoed through the ages....
On this April 3, 2012, thank you, disciples, for being faithful witnesses. Than you for writing down what you so poignantly remembered, John. And most of all, thank you, Lord, for Your amazing grace and infinite mercy.
In the reliving of that time, You are counting down the final moments.... In our reading from John, it is late Thursday evening - and right after this prayer, the report that ended John 14, when You led Your disciples out into the night, comes true....
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