LIFE THAT ENDS TOO SOON - A TRIBUTE TO FAYE

I am still reeling from the news I read just a few minutes ago. This is the email note that generated the tears that are flowing down my cheeks at the moment:

Dear Friends,

I just wanted to inform my friends, that on Monday evening at approx. 5:30 pm my best friend, lover, mother, grandmother and wife Carolyn Faye left her earthly home to be with her God.

Faye had retired two years ago, but at the request of the company she worked for, returned part time for them during the winter months. On her way home from work on Monday night, about 3 miles from home, she was hit head-on by a full size pickup towing a large utility trailer. All indications are that she was killed instantly from traumatic impact, along with the driver of the pickup. The investigation has not been completed, but eye witnesses following both vehicles indicate the pickup and the trailer started jack-knifing and immediately turned right into Faye. They also indicate that it happened so fast that Faye had no opportunity to react. The car following Faye was a school teacher that works with our niece. He immediately went to Faye's car and indicates that she was already deceased.

The note concluded with the time and location of the funeral services, and a request for prayer, and was signed by my friend's devastated and heart-broken husband.

I HATE DEATH! I especially hate death that steals someone away too soon...as it did with Faye.

Faye and I were childhood friends. I had an 'in the country' best friend and an 'in town' best friend, and 2 special 'just like little sister twins' friends when I lived in Midvale, Idaho. Four special girls made up my best friends list - and Faye was my 'in town' best friend. How I loved that girl! We had lots of good safe fun together, and were practically inseparable. At least our parents knew where to find us!

Her dad was pastor of the Church of Christ, and I loved to go with her to visit, and hear the wonderful blend of the pure harmony of voices singing praise to God. They didn't have any accompaniment - no piano, no guitar - just voices, and could they ever sing!

And now she is gone.... I know she loved the Lord. I know where she is. But it still hurts. We had just reconnected a couple of summers ago at an all-school reunion in Midvale, and I have been anticipating when our next meeting would get to be.... Now I know it will be on heaven's shore, not this one....

I am devastated for her husband, children, grandchildren and other friends - but I am devastated for me, for the opportunity of anticipated joys that have been so crudely severed....

In tribute to her, I am posting a poem I wrote in 2007.

A LAST GOODBYE

If I’d had time to say goodbye

I’d have held you close and told you

That I’ve loved you every moment

With all of my heart

Through good times and bad

’Til death do us part

With the love that we promised

Way back at the start.

I’d have affirmed my love is enduring

And that my love for you has grown

To envelop me and help mold who I am….

If I’d had time to say goodbye.

If I’d been able to say goodbye

I’d have held you close

And told you not to cry too long,

But to live life

With the same exuberance

We’ve shared

I’d tell you that you are the love of my life

And that because I love you

I want you to live to love again,

Though not too soon…

I’d say that loving honors love lived

If I’d been able to say goodbye.

If I could have said goodbye

I wouldn’t have wasted time with regrets

But with remembered joys.

I’d have told you how I’ve loved

Waking up before you, lying beside you

Absorbing the sound of your breathing,

Watching you sleep.

I’d tell you how I’ve thrilled

To your slightest touch

Even though I sometimes didn’t affirm it;

I’d have told you now.

If I could have said goodbye.

If I had the chance to say goodbye

I’d ask you to tell the kids

how much I love them.

No matter how many times I said it

It was never enough

To cover the coming hours and days of silence.

And then, before I finally had to go

I’d hold you one last time in my embrace,

Feel the warmth of your body,

Your breath against my neck,

and tell you one more time I love you…

…If I had the chance to say goodbye.

Written by Lola Cain 1/9/2007

This poem was inspired by the thought of life that ends abruptly with no chance to say goodbye. Life lost by inches is terribly painful, but those who take advantage of that time get to say their last goodbyes. This poem speaks for those who did not get that opportunity.

I was reading poetry by the then-current poet laureate, Donald Hall, in preparation for leading the discussion on our book group’s author for April. He writes prolifically in “free verse” and his experience of recording the process of the loss of his wife, Jane Kenyon, made me think about those who lose someone suddenly, unexpectedly. I know that even “knowing” the loss is to occur does not prepare us for the reality – but it does give us a chance to say some of the things we want to say. This was written at a time when our family was grieving for a loss that soon would be reality. (A time when friends were experiencing similar loss.)

Rest in peace, beloved Faye. You are missed!