Day 6 leading to Easter

Matthew 8
I can't even get past the first few verses in Matthew 8 without digging deeper. Jesus came down from the mountain and large crowds followed him - but then in his path was a leper. I can see the crowds shrinking back, repelled. After all, the lepers - abandoned to the countryside - were required to walk around saying, "Unclean, unclean" so people would stay away from them to avoid infection. But not this man. He's not following the mores of his society. This man comes and kneels before Jesus. Law does not allow him to come that close to people, but he came anyway. However, it was not he who reached out and touched...oh, his words did, certainly... "Jesus, if you are willing, you can make me clean." And then Jesus touched him - a leper - an untouchable, and said, "I am willing. Be clean."

In the fall of 1970, I came to Jesus as one who had 'spiritual leprosy.' I was 'outside the camp,' ostracized (it may have been partially self-imposed, but it felt like real abandonment), and as I knelt before Him, He touched me with His incredible, forgiving, cleansing love. I was the prodigal daughter. I had known Him and walked away because He let me down (or so I thought.) I mistakenly thought that His being 'in control' meant he was a controlling God, and that nothing bad could happen to me with Him in control. He had disappointed me. He had failed to protect me. He had let me make a huge mistake (that led to more) and I was very angry with Him - so I abandoned my faith.

My healing was not wrought as immediately as the leper's appears to be (though his physical healing and his social healing are two separate issues.) Mine was more like peeling away layers of an onion - until at last, I was freed completely - even from the guilt of my sin. Don't misunderstand, I am dreadfully sorry for the sins I committed and for the mistakes I made, but God has redeemed them, and I no longer feel guilt. And, of course, now I understand about 'free will' and that God's being in control is not synonymous with controlling every situation in our lives. I also understand that we live in a fallen world and that bad things happen - but that the difference for us as Christians is that we can have inner peace - a peace the world cannot offer - a peace that gives us an inner calm no matter how stormy the circumstances we are living through. And I know that we see difficulty through different eyes because this world is not our long-range focus.

Another difference for us as Christians is that we can learn amazing lessons through times of trial. In 2000, after going through a series of challenges culminating with a plethora of issues precipitated by an oophorectomy, I learned firsthand that God deserves our praise and worship no matter what our circumstances.

In the difficult months that followed that surgery - including being in the throes of trying to handle all of the issues related to being executrix for my stepmother's will, her lawyer committing suicide, and having to start all over again - and being in the midst of building and moving, which meant no longer having my 30-years-long church support network available to me, some days all my journal stated was HELP! in very large print. But, like Peter, I knew there was nowhere else to go. I knew that because I had tried life without Jesus - and my resolve after coming back to faith was total commitment. When people say "God will never give you more than you can bear" I think 'They haven't been where I have been.' But I do know this: He will never give me more than HE can bear - and I know He is smack dab in the middle of it going through it with me, whatever the 'it' is. It is a wonderful assurance! That's the most amazing thing: He walks with us through every painful step - as well as the joyous ones. It isn't about feeling. It's about faith. He says He will be with us - and He is. No matter what.

As for redeeming the bad - He has. There are those who have walked away from God because of their own terrible circumstances who have believed one of Satan's most insidious lies: that God can't/ won't love them anymore. They believe in Him, but they have been told that 'once they have put their hand to the plow and turned back, they are no longer worthy' and they take that to mean that He won't accept them - so they live outside the gate, ostracized. A few years ago God placed me in the right place at the right time to be able to be the one who could share my story with one woman who needed to hear it. Her immediate response was, "Well, no offense, but if God can forgive you, then He can forgive me." No offense was taken - just pure joy in seeing God redeem the bad that had happened to me, and turning it to joy in seeing someone else restored to a right relationship with Him - and then later to see her be instrumental in passing that on to another....

And just an aside - for those who believe and misuse that bit about 'putting our hand to the plow' NONE of us are worthy to begin with. But - when God forgives with extravagant grace, what a testimony to His amazing love. His amazing, extravagant grace is why I call myself 'A child of God's grace.' I am.

Just after going through the worst of the terribly tough time beginning early in 2000, God gave me a chorus to a calypso beat. These are the words:

I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve the life you have reserved for me.
I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve the grace with which You set me free.
I don't deserve that you, the Son of God, died on the cross for me.
I don't deserve your love, but thank you, Lord, that you give it to me, so freely.
I don't deserve your love, but thank you, Lord, that you give it to me.

Not everyone agrees with me - or with the sentiment expressed in this chorus - but that's O K. I know that what I deserved was death - as in the 'eternal separation from God ' death - but He didn't agree. Oh, how beautiful the song of the Redeemed.

When Jesus healed this particular leper, he told him not to go talk about it - but to go do what was required by law. If you want to read the extensive process that involved, you'll find it in Leviticus 14:2-32. What touches me about that, is that Jesus wanted the testimony to be proclaimed to the Priests. They were the ones who knew the prophecies of the Old Testament. If they were paying attention they would have recognized Him as the Christ. Few did, apparently.

So - I read the whole chapter - but that's my tidbit for today. Blessings!

(I have never blogged before, obviously - and am just taking the journey where it leads me. I hadn't intended to begin sharing quite so personally so early I guess, as I'm surprising myself where my bunny trails lead - no pre-planning, no expectations. Surprising even to me!)

Humor for the day:

Following an unresolved argument a man and wife were giving each other the silent treatment. At bedtime the man realized that because he was prone to sleeping through his alarm, he would need his wife to wake him up at 5 a m the next morning for a long-anticipated fishing trip with his buddies. He had to meet them in the designated location by 5:30 a m or be left behind. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he left a note pinned to her pillow - where she obviously couldn't miss it - written in large letters: 'PLEASE WAKE ME UP AT 5 A M."

The next morning the man awoke to find he had slept through his alarm and missed his trip. He was furious, and was about to go find out why his wife hadn't awakened him when he discovered a note pinned to his pillow that stated, "IT'S 5 A M - WAKE UP!"

On the home front:
Lynley and Malachi are in THE WIZARD OF OZ. Their first performance was last night. Al and I are going tonight.

I had McCain and Malachi sleep here last night so I wouldn't have to get up early and go to their house to wait for Malachi to wake up. Play practices have kept him awake until around midnight this week, so I've gone over to spend my mornings there so he could catch up on his sleep - - and he has slept late... Wouldn't you know, he was awake by 8:30 this morning.... It's a no-school day so I need to go be Grandma....

Later....