Today is November 12. We are having our Thanksgiving dinner today because Al will be gone on a hunting trip over the 'real' Thanksgiving. Last night I set the alarm for 6:01 a m, just in case I needed its help to wake up. I hadn't had a good night's sleep the night before because my grand-dog was here, so I had some sleep to catch up on, and, as I suspected, I definitely needed the alarm this morning! When it so rudely awakened me, alerting me to go put the turkey in the oven, it unceremoniously tore me away from an engaging dream.
My dream segued from being at a large Christian gathering listening to the speaker, to meeting her very soon after next to an old pickup she was filling up with gas. That was when the dream got really interesting. She told me that she had just learned that her husband had breast cancer, and she was devastated, ready to throw in the towel. That moment led me to tell her that God was sovereign. That He might heal her husband here - but He might not - and that her faith in God could not be contingent on her view of what she thought God should do. I actually wish I could remember verbatim all that I told her in my dream, because it was really good - but I don't.... However - it reflected precisely what God has revealed to me in the past during times of being deeply troubled at how things were going in life.
I do remember telling the woman in my dream that Satan's goal every day of our lives is to devour and destroy us. We have to make a decision every day not to cooperate with him! And - that as long as there is life there is hope, and we should continue to pray for the outcome we yearn for as long as life lasts. What I didn't get a chance to tell her was that at the end of each of those prayers we also must pray, "Nevertheless, not my will but Thine be done."
The dream triggered a memory of a time I was really angry with God about the outcome of one specific situation. There was an older man in our church that I absolutely loved. God placed him on my heart, and I was burdened to pray for him. I did. I prayed until the burden lifted - and I interpreted that peace to mean that God was going to heal him. He died 3 days later. I was furious with God. I knew His voice. I trusted it. I also trusted that feeling of peace that came through prayer to mean what I wanted it to mean. I was wrong.
What God spoke to me when I railed at Him was that the death of one who loves the Lord brings perfect healing. We will never be whole here. Only there. God may grant physical healing on this earth when it advances His purpose - but there are times when one who dies, even far too young, touches lives for the Lord by their faithfulness in walking with Him through the journey that they would not have touched by living. It seems so dreadfully unfair - but no matter how long life on this earth is, it is a vapor - fleeting. In the light of eternity, this is just a blip on a screen, and barely a blip.
Ultimately, I have to hold on to just one reality: my life is the Lord's - to do with as He chooses - and my only desire is that it honor Him, in life or in death.
Like the lady 'preacher' I talked to in my dream, far too many people equate God's blessing with things going to their liking. It's easy to serve God when things go well. True faithfulness is revealed when we are faithful when things aren't going well - - even when they're dreadful. It is in those darkest of times, when it would be so easy to give up, that we learn who God really is. He holds us in the hollow of His hand even when we are faithless - when we seemingly have nothing to hold onto. At the bottom of the pit, God is there. When we cry out to Him, and submit everything to Him, He is faithful. He lifts us up. For His glory. For His honor. For His Name.
I hope I don't need that reminder myself too soon!
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